I recently finished my year of no dating, which I talked about in my video here. But after the 12 months was up, I dove straight back into the app world and found that it was actually really damaging for my mental health and self esteem. So, I’ve decided to try a different route.
It might seem like there is no way to date these days as a queer person unless you’re using apps like Grindr, Hinge, or even Bumble BFF, but I think there’s an opportunity here to re-learn how we see dating and go back to basics.
First things first:
Rather than going into this with the mindset of finding your future spouse, try to see this as an opportunity to expand your social circles and gain new experiences. Friendships can be super under-rated especially as a queer person, and a lot of the time the things we miss from romantic or sexual relationships (like physical intimacy, deep conversations, and socialising) can actually be found through platonic relationships.
1. Become a Regular at Groups
Creative Groups: Knitting, photography, or art groups are often quite inclusive and can be a great way to meet like-minded individuals while enjoying a shared hobby.
Sports Groups: I've found a lot of queers gravitate towards rugby, climbing, and roller derby. However, in a lot of areas there will be queer specific groups. For example, Front Runners is a global queer running club!
Theatre and Film Groups: It's no secret that there's a huge cross-over between theatre and queer folks. If you can find a local theatre or film group, your chances of finding other LGBTQ+ people are high!
2. Attend Queer Events
Pride Events: Whether it's general pride, trans pride, or even bear pride, your local town is likely to have a pride committee that will be hosting events all year around or looking for volunteers to help run them!
Night life: Look out for queer parties like T Boys, Dyke Discotheque, Beefmince, and Galpals. Some of these events are London and Brighton based, but you may be able to find similar ones near you.
Saunas & kink parties: For those looking for physical intimacy, you may find yourself enjoying the local gay sauna or kink parties. Though not the most romantic or social setting, you might end up meeting likeminded people - especially if sex and kink is a big part of what you're looking for.
Dating events: Believe it or not, in person dating events actually exist! Have a google to see what's available in your area.
3. Volunteer
Animal Shelters and Environmental Causes: I once volunteered at a cat shelter and the first person I met was a lesbian I had history with when I was a lesbian. It seems like animal shelters and environmental charities have a big queer demographic, you may find your next bestie there.
LGBTQ+ Causes: If you want to be in spaces that are guaranteed to be queer friendly, volunteer for an LGBTQ+ cause!
4. Take Classes
Language Classes: If you're already trying to learn a new language via <insert popular language learning app here>, why not take in person lessons and use it as an opportunity to meet others?
Cooking Classes: These hands-on classes are great for meeting others who share your interests and find out if you'd have chemistry whilst sharing a kitchen ;)
5. Host Events
Invite Friends to Bring Friends: Host events where each friend invites someone you haven't met yet, a great opportunity to meet new people that you're bound to like - especially if your friend can vouch for them!
Outside events: Why not try something laid back and chill like the recent "bring your own garlic bread and be queer in the park" events? These don't have to be elaborate, just share your idea in queer friendly spaces online and try to bring the queers out into the world!
Got any more ideas? I'd love to hear from you!
Feel free to leave a comment under my youtube video if you have more ideas or events you'd like others to come to.
Want to hear more about my year of no dating?
I've documented my year of no dating (as well as my dating mishaps...) on patreon! If you fancy listening to them, be sure to check out my patreon.
Thanks for reading, and happy dating!