Talking about bodies, especially trans bodies, can be sensitive and sometimes controversial. Many trans people rightfully don’t want others thinking about their bodies or how they have sex, but there are also those looking for guidance, either as trans individuals themselves or as partners of trans people. If you’re one of those people seeking to navigate this respectfully, then this is for you.
This is Part 1 of a new series on understanding trans bodies and the importance of terminology in sexual relationships.
One of the most important aspects of a healthy sexual relationship is communication. This holds true for everyone, but it’s crucial when gender dysphoria is involved, where the wrong language can make or break a moment.
Comfort and trust: Everyone involved in the encounter should feel comfortable and heard.
Understanding gender dysphoria: For many trans people, misnaming body parts can trigger feelings of dysphoria, an emotional discomfort related to the mismatch between their gender identity and their physical body.
Terminology: Using the right terms for someone’s body is a simple but powerful way to make them feel safe and validated.
In this blog post, I’ll be using a mix of scientific and slang terms to help avoid confusion and create a clearer picture.
No two trans bodies are the same, and there are so many factors that can shape a trans person’s body. Hormone treatments can cause significant changes, and gender-affirming surgeries vary widely. You can’t assume what kind of body a trans person has just by looking at them, and it’s important to remember that their body might change over time.
Understanding this diversity helps us approach every body with respect and curiosity rather than assumptions.
The Way People Feel About Words Varies
The way trans people refer to their bodies can vary greatly. Some people might feel indifferent to certain terms, while others may find specific words deeply affirming or extremely dysphoric.
For example, in some adult content, trans men might confidently use the word "pussy" to describe their genitals, but for others, that word can be extremely triggering.
Here are some common terms trans and non-binary people may use to describe their bodies:
Junk, Hole, Boy Pussy / Girl Dick, Bits, Gock (Girl Cock), Bussy (Boy Pussy).
And then there are those who prefer not to refer to their genitals at all, which is also perfectly valid.
Feelings About Language Can Change Over Time
A person’s relationship with their body—and the language they use to describe it—can evolve. For example, pre-top surgery, I personally didn’t like calling my chest anything other than “chest.” Now, after surgery, I use the term "titties" jokingly and comfortably.
Similarly, when I started hormone treatment, I avoided talking about my genitals altogether. But now, after 10 years, I find it empowering to use slang terms and scientific wording. Everyone’s journey is different, and how someone feels about their body and its language can change over time - so it's important to check in from time to time.
The Importance of Asking
The best way to avoid any discomfort or misunderstandings is simple: ask.
Normalise asking someone how they refer to their body parts and what language they prefer. This builds trust and creates a more respectful environment, whether it’s in a medical setting, an intimate relationship, or casual conversation.
“How do you like to refer to your body parts?”
“Is there a term you prefer for your chest/genitals?”
“What words do you want me to use?”
“Is there a term you prefer for your chest/genitals?”
“What words do you want me to use?”
Final Thoughts:
If you found this post helpful and want to learn more about trans bodies, queer identities, and sex education, make sure to subscribe to my YouTube channel. I’ll be sharing more content like this, with videos that cover everything from terminology to practical tips on navigating intimacy as or with a trans person.